I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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