oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
