Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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