i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
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so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
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No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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