I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this boner is exhausting
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
