I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
