So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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