we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
