I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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