i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
