I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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