How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's blow job season.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
