I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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