Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
