I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Terrible idea I love it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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