I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
