Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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