i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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