I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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