Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
