I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I want to make a zoo with you.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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