i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
