You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
