I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
where am i from again
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
