omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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