it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
