Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
