it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
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i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole