then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
