God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
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I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
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He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.