yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
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I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one