i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.