...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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