Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
