omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
