This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
