It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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