I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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