Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
