did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
