he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
