and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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