Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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