Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
