u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
