Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I had to cum in my sink.
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