I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
