Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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