Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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