your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
