East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
