my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
