If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
