we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
