I think I died a long time ago.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
