great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
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I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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