dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
