Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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