Do you still have your period?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
