If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
