i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just googled if crying burns calories
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
