There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
