If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
