thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize