woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize