my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
