Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
