You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
