I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
