Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
