it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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