You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dicks are not precious.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
