ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
