I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
And then he peed in my hair
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