just come out here and I will go home with you...
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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