you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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