I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
