see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
