Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
