I hate your face
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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