I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
