dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
