u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
