capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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