Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
