He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
BRING THE BAGELS
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
