Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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