She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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